Big Chill2′s Books
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A library of my friends' and my books (created by Mateobeccar)
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Welcome to the team, Big Chill2! I can’t wait for your story to come out!
We Waddle On!
Pengbro2
Wow that’s good! I liked how you dedicated it to people! Here’s some advice, don’t make it short and choppy, maybe you can change those two sentences into three or four like this :
Somewhere in Antarctica. Mom said “Lets name him Big Chill2″
* * *
One day,a tornado came and Mom and Dad wanted to keep Big Chill2 safe,so she put him on escape pod. And he found himself on Club Penguin.
***
Somewhere in Antarctica a baby penguin was born, the ecstatic parents, unsure what to name their new born son thought carefully. Then, the mother blurted out ,”Let’s name him Bigchill2!” The father nodded and smiled.
* * *
When Bigchill2 was older, a tornado struck Antarctica. In an attempt to keep Bigchill2 safe, so they put him in an escape pod set for Club Penguin. Little did he know the adventures that awaited him there…
****
Something like that, then after you’ve done an intro like that you can easily switch to First Person Point of View or say in Third Person. I think this story has some real potential and I can’t wait to hear the rest
Ok ill change it to that
Thanks for involving me Big Chill. It is a great party at the Night Club lol. I can’t wait till you return in spirit in my story Chapter 7.
That was very short however. You might want to make your chapters longer.
Theres going to be alot of chapters my friend
Wow! I really enjoyed this! Only a few spelling and grammar errors, but I’m used to that ( and I’m hypocritcal on the subject myself) . I can’t wait to read the next chapter, although I somewhat agree with Bubbles. If you have a lot of chapters thats great! Just make sure you don’t rush them! I mean look at Bubbles, he’s going to have a LOT of chapters but he doesn’t rush them. Lol enough of the teacher talk XD
So my comment in a nutshell, I enjoyed it, want to hear more and was wondering if I could be your editor! LOL
There you go!
Peace out!
Emily.
oh emily
actually that sounds like something i would have said about a year ago
no offense
lol Mateo but Penglibrary wasnt here 1 year ago. XD
nice! big chill can I be in the next party
Youll be in the book but not the party also in the story i will have a surprise that will shock you
awesome!!! I enjoy shocking surprises
Who doesn’t?
LOL bubbles
Ooh i like your Gravatar.
Big chill, I really like your story so far, maybe you should consider making your chapters longer…
i know!
The next book’s chapters will be longer
AWESOME! by the way, I know Karate… I AM A YELLOW BELT
no seriously i am. But it actually makes no difference whatsoever in real life. Except maybe i have gotten better at blocking attacks…
Anyway, awesome i am evil? oh well cool i hope i win the fight!
Im a white belt but some of my yellow belt is still there. xD. + i have the black suit
Ooh Cool! I’m a brown belt.. it’s hard for me to go to my karate lessons now, last year I had to stay after for Basketball, soccer, football and Ice Hockey practices. I also have homework, test studying and electives homework.. not exactly what you’d call an easy schedule…
But anyways,
GREAT STORY! I think we a little bit more effort, spell and grammar checks this could be great, spend sometime thinking about where you want this story to go and how you want everyone to feel about the characters, reflect your emotions on the characters in the story, take some time to also think about the line between good and evil, making sure that if you want it to be known, give it a strong, imposing part and describe it, if not, let it “sift” down through the story like a secondary character. Other than that, this is a great story and it has great potential!
Venom and Carnage are both bad but they are enemies